Nil by Mouth
by poppyfields13
Summary: Troy Bolton always gets what he wants... doesn’t he? Chyan, Choy, Tryan, Troyella, Trason, Troypay... and a surprise.


**A/N: **This fic contains Evil! and probably extremely OOC Troy…he's a LOT like Sharpay here. It was on purpose. I thought it would be funny. But then again…I have a very warped (and sarcastic) sense of humour…you have been warned. Kinda weird mixture of humour and drama in here…not quite sure if I pulled it off…you must tell me.

Dunno what my deal is with Evil!Troy…but to be fair, I did redeem him in _The Time is 6.59 _and I made him good (although a bit of a knobhead) in _Complex Lives_. However, I totally exceeded my own depravity with his evilness in this fic, so if you are offended by reading Troy as a horny, vain, selfish prat – don't read this.

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_**Nil b**__**y Mouth**_

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Chad Danforth and Ryan Evans. Two boys both screwed over by Troy Bolton. And not the last.

Troy Bolton was one very confused teenager and constantly used his peers as a means to help him become, as he put it, 'less confused'. His first gay encounter had been with the (for obvious reasons) only openly gay student at East High – Ryan Evans (no surprises there). They spent most evenings after their rehearsals for 'Twinkle Towne' doing things Troy would never want anyone else to find out about. But he had gotten bored with Ryan eventually. And he dumped the poor drama boy who had inevitably become besotted with the basketball star.

Troy had then moved on to his best friend, Chad. He had had suspicions about Chad's sexuality for awhile, and when he decided to try out his little theory he hadn't been disappointed. Chad, like almost every other student at East High, wanted Troy bad. But again, Troy hadn't been satisfied. However, he decided not to dump Chad as hastily as he had Ryan. Chad was, after all, good for _one_ thing. Troy was keeping him around until he found someone better.

He hadn't given up Gabriella at all during these experiments with the other boys. He liked having her as a girlfriend…or rather, the _idea_ of having her as a girlfriend. He didn't really have any sexual feelings towards her. Not that she would ever put out anyway. Really, it worked out for the both of them.

Then Lava Springs happened. And neither Chad nor Gabriella wanted to be with him. Troy hadn't really minded at first. But he did _not_ like being the outsider with his friends. He eventually just gave in, apologising to everyone for his bad behaviour. In actual fact, he hadn't seen why they made such a fuss. He was just trying to get ahead in life! Oh well, they all accepted his apology. Who cares if it was sincere or not? They totally bought it.

He got his girlfriend back, which was…okay. But there was something different about his relationship with Chad. While Troy was pretty much over his thing with Ryan, it was a little harder to give up Chad. It wasn't like Troy wanted to be with him. But he loved being worshipped by Chad. When they had made up after their fight, Troy thought everything would go back to normal. He thought his best friend would go back to the same previous devotion he had had for Troy. But it wasn't like that at all. Chad barely paid any attention to him! All his attention had suddenly become directed at Ryan Evans. Troy wondered how such a travesty could occur. He was much better looking than both boys! They should _both_ want _him_! Not each other!

Troy was fairly certain that it was all Ryan's doing. Ryan was an Evans, and after spending so much time with Sharpay, Troy knew how they worked. Troy then, ever so cleverly, figured out what was _really_ going on. Ryan obviously still wanted him and was just trying to make Troy jealous by flirting with Chad. Ryan _so_ needed to just get it through his head that it was over between them! Troy just decided to let their little fling run its course. Surely Chad would get bored with Ryan like the way he had?

But as the weeks continued Troy started to doubt that. It seemed as if they genuinely liked each other. He couldn't quite understand it. They were supposed to be in love with him. Everyone was. Troy was rather peeved at Chad. Even though Troy wasn't _that_ into him anymore…well, it was just…Chad dating _Ryan_? Seriously? Troy needed a distraction from the monstrosity that was the relationship between his best friend and the Drama King.

Troy started to shop around for Chad's replacement and finally settled on his friend, Jason Cross. He began to flirt with the boy at every opportunity he was given. However, Jason was oblivious to Troy's innuendos. And he also seemed to be smitten with his girlfriend Martha. Troy was not impressed. Why wasn't he getting what he wanted? Was he losing his touch? Was he not as gorgeous as he had once been?

After several weeks of being preoccupied by this dilemma, Gabriella finally dumped his sorry ass. She just couldn't take it anymore and who could blame her? He was just lucky she hadn't found out about all the things he had been doing behind her back. Troy wasn't all that concerned with the break up. In fact, he hardly even noticed! He was too busy trying to get into Jason's pants. Although, one day when he had flung his arm around Gabriella's shoulder and she had removed it with a disdainful look on her face – only then did it finally sink in. He had absolutely no-one! He told himself he must try harder with Jason.

Luckily for him, he got his chance one day when he found the dark haired boy alone in a supply cupboard. Jason smiled at him as he walked in but as he watched Troy lock the door behind him the smile faded. Troy slinked his way up to the confused boy. "Hey, Jason," he said in a purposely seducing voice.

"Hey…?" Next thing Jason knew, the poor boy was being pushed up against the wall with Troy's mouth attacking his and a tanned hand down the front of his pants. Once his brain (or what he had of one) started functioning again after the initial shock, Jason pushed Troy away. "Dude, what the…?"

"What?" Troy asked innocently, rolling his eyes as Jason hurriedly zipped his pants back up. "Come on! You so totally want this!" As he said 'this', he ran his hands up and down his body.

"I'm in love with Martha. We are getting married next year, after school finishes." He flashed his promise ring in Troy's face, although, Troy did take notice that Jason's eyes were focused on Troy's crotch rather regretfully. Again Troy rolled his eyes. He should have known Jason would be a wimp about it. All he was doing was offering the boy a little sex! Not a lifetime of 'living in sin'.

"If you don't let me fuck you right now, you won't be getting any more chances," Troy told him.

Jason frowned. "Dude, you can, like, kiss and…stuff…with whomever you want but leave me out of it."

That wasn't the answer Troy had been expecting. Was Jason actually refusing him? "Fine. You're not that good looking anyway!"

Jason just shook his head. "Dude…I thought I knew you…"

"Here's what I say to those who thought they knew me," Troy said angrily and he flipped Jason the bird, right up in his face. Then turned back around and stormed out.

Troy was running out of options. How could that be? He needed someone who would jump at the chance to be with him…wait…Sharpay! Well, he had never before found her attractive. And he still didn't, really. But she did hold the attraction of getting some action. And that was enough to change Troy's mind somewhat. After all…she wasn't_ ugly_ or anything…

As suspected, Sharpay was all too happy to relieve Troy of some of his sexual frustration. And she was just as annoyed with her brother dating Chad as Troy was, although Troy didn't like to think about the implications behind her jealousy. Anyway, that wasn't his problem. Their arrangement was strictly business.

There was no-one, really, that he simulated in his mind as he aroused himself when getting ready to do it with Sharpay. Not even Chad. Perhaps a few snippets of hot guys bodies…maybe even images of his own body? He was awfully fine…why shouldn't he be turned on by his own good looks? He always had to fuck the blonde girl from behind. He would have gone soft had he had to watch her face. What a horrible disturbance it would have been.

"You know I don't think you are hot at all, right?" he asked her one day after having sex.

"And you assume I think you are?" she replied. "Please, Troy. Don't flatter yourself; it makes you even less attractive than you already _think_ you are."

Troy highly doubted that. "Good," he said haughtily. "Because as soon as this…thing, becomes even remotely more than sexual, I'm outta here."

"That is if I haven't kicked you out already!" Sharpay snapped. "I could have anyone I want, you know!"

"Yeah…and so could I," Troy said sarcastically. "That's why I totally chose _you_ as a fuck buddy."

"Screw you!" the blonde spat.

"Yeah, I already have…and it wasn't that great. You know, Sharpay, I think you are actually getting _needy_. How pathetic. It's over."

Who would have ever thought Troy Bolton could out-bitch Sharpay Evans?

The very next day Troy went in search of Zeke Baylor. He didn't really find him all that good looking, but he was the next obvious choice. But to Troy's complete mortification, when he turned the corner he found Sharpay chatting and giggling with Zeke over a plate of chocolate chip cookies. Zeke couldn't take his eyes off her. She turned her head and caught Troy's eye and smiled triumphantly. She had beaten him to it.

Sharpay was a smart girl. She had known exactly what Troy's next plan of attack had been. Perhaps they could have been good together, that is if Troy didn't find her so repulsive. Both were in leagues of their own…no-one was better than them. They were both the best, and Sharpay had known this too and tried to get them together for that reason. It was unfortunate they were so similar or they possibly could have gotten along quite well.

Even though they were both the best, they possibly weren't quite equal. Troy supposed it turned out that Sharpay had an edge over him. She had won. It didn't matter that she probably didn't want Zeke (he couldn't match up to her brother, could he?) just as much as Troy didn't want Zeke. That didn't matter, because it had become a game.

Troy had been about to completely admit defeat and go home when he suddenly got an idea. He could do something that not even Sharpay or Ryan could do. Something Sharpay couldn't beat him at! It was perfect! He glowed inside. He _was_ smarter than Sharpay. Of course he was. He had known it all along.

He turned around and his stomach clenched with excitement as he saw the very woman he was looking for. "Hello, Mrs. Evans!" he called eagerly, but still managed to make it sound suave. He started to saunter over to her, though he really needn't have bothered because she began to walk over to him without hesitation. "You look absolutely lovely today," he said. And she really did. Ryan and Sharpay's mother was a total MILF. He winked at her and she giggled like a school girl. He was slightly put off by the familiar Sharpay-sound but then he remembered why he was doing it. He was no longer motivated by distraction but principle…or what he assumed was 'the principle', anyway. Many would argue differently.

"Why thank you, Troy," Mrs. Evans said. "You look mighty handsome yourself."

Troy smiled modestly, something he constantly fooled people with. "You know, if you ever need anything at all Mrs. Evans, I would be all too happy to personally get it for you. I'm sure Mr. Fulton wouldn't object to that."

"No, I'm sure he wouldn't. How kind of you, I know you must be very busy with you're other duties."

"I give very good massages," he carried on, smiling politely (he had to refrain from saying "Just ask your children"), "I'm not a professional of course, but I'm _very_ experienced."

Mrs. Evans raised an eyebrow, "Really? I might just have to take you up on that offer, Troy."

Troy glanced over to Sharpay and Zeke who had been joined by Ryan and Chad. They were all staring at Troy curiously. He smirked to himself. Heheheh, suck on that, bitches!

Troy turned back to Mrs. Evans and winked at her, "_Anytime_."

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_**The End**_

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**A/N:** lol, what a stupid ending…. Obviously, I had to add Jartha in here. I hope it encourages people to write some! That is if I haven't totally put you off. Ha Ha.


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